Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
