im drinking this country out of the recession.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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