i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
