Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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