She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
