Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
