yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
