Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
