A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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