Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
