I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
they're like a gay fantastic four
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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