..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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