I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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