sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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