me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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