were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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