we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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