There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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