i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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