for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
