I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
