thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Houston, we have a blender
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
