we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
