I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Two words: blizzard sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
