Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
