so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
