i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
