there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
