I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
