sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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