there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
