I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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