Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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