She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
