I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
