the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
