So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
