If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
