talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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