Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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