I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
