So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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