He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
