Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
