Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
