your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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