you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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