Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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