I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
