I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
