just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
