Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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