Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
