Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
