Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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