I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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