My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
