Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
