His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
